Fifty Shades of Alice at the Hellfire Club Read online

  The Pulse-Pounding Conclusion to the Bestselling Series!

  Twenty-three year-old Alice is stuck in a ho-hum marriage, bored with quickie vanilla sex. So she and her husband, Lewis, sign a contract with the notorious Hellfire Club in order to inject some spice into their love life.

  But things get dicey when Alice’s most decadent fantasies are brought to life, and she begins to fear that they’ll never be allowed to leave.

  The third short novel in the 50 Shades of Alice trilogy, this descent into naughtiness features the same colorful characters, kinky thrills, and offbeat humor as the previous bestselling titles.

  This is erotica for smart people who like to laugh.

  FIFTY SHADES

  of

  ALICE at the

  HELLFIRE CLUB

  by

  Melinda DuChamp

  A Fairytale for Adults

  Do you dare to explore the forbidden door?

  Author Note

  This is a humorous, erotic parody of the Alice stories by Lewis Carroll, and contains adult situations which are not for children. It features a grown-up Alice and her grown-up adventures in a sexual wonderland. The first chapter sets up the story, introducing Alice and detailing how she begins her adventure. But if you want to get right to the good parts, click here.

  Contents

  Begin reading FIFTY SHADES OF ALICE AT THE HELLFIRE CLUB

  Other books by Melinda DuChamp

  Other Recommended Titles

  Copyright

  Alice Begins Her Adventure and Is Kidnapped by Pirates, Sort of…

  Lewis rolled off of Alice and plopped onto his side of the bed. He hadn’t even been inside her long enough to be out of breath, let alone work up any sort of sweat. Alice had scarcely felt a thing.

  That was bad enough, but it got worse. They’d reached the point in their marriage where he didn’t even bother to ask how it had been for her, and Alice had long ago stopped pretending she’d enjoyed his lame attempts at lovemaking. During their thirty-second session, Alice hadn’t so much as sighed. But Lewis had pumped away just the same, treating her like a vessel to fill instead of the object of his love and desire.

  Alice felt like crying. So much had changed in the past few years. Since their fantastic adventures in Wonderland and through the Looking Glass. They’d grown up, lost the imagination, the whimsy, the sense of adventure.

  They used to be so into each other. She’d dress up in naughty lingerie and kinky boots. She’d shave her special place and wear his favorite perfume. Lewis would serve her champagne and strawberries in bed. He’d taken extra special effort to please her, making sure she came at least once before the sex began. They used to spend whole weekends laughing, drinking, pleasuring each other.

  But a fire that burned so brightly burned out twice as fast.

  Alice knew Lewis wasn’t the only one to blame. Her parts weren’t into it either. Whereas she used to gush and throb, lately Alice felt more like a barren desert. Sex had become mechanical, as perfunctory as brushing your teeth. The romance, the eroticism, the longing… it all had become ethereal, like a dream she couldn’t really remember.

  Alice gathered the covers around her, fluffed her pillow, then turned her back to her husband, wondering if this was their fate. Doomed to decades of bad sex.

  Or worse, no sex at all.

  The problem was, she still cared for Lewis. She didn’t want to give up their physical relationship, but she wanted to stay with him, even though both knew they were drifting apart. Alice couldn’t even remember the last time they’d said, “I love you” to one another. She wasn’t sure when it began, but it seemed as if it had been such a long time since she’d heard Lewis utter those words.

  That hurt as much as the lack of orgasms.

  Could she stay with a man so inattentive and oblivious to her needs? Or were they doomed to drift apart until their love vanished?

  Alice wished she knew how to keep it from coming to that.

  Coming…

  Lewis’s snore rippled through their bedroom.

  When Alice and Lewis were first dating, back when they were eighteen, their fumbling attempts at sex always left him snoring and her unfulfilled. She hadn’t thought about those days for a long time, about what had changed everything for her and for him, at least for a while. But if there was the smallest chance she could change their yawn of a sex life now, it was worth a shot.

  Alice slipped out from under the covers, the air cool on her naked skin, and tiptoed to the bureau. She slid open a drawer, and reached inside. Tucked behind a stack of clean panties and her pink lace bra, she found what she was looking for. Something she hadn’t seen in more than two years.

  The White Rabbit.

  Now this wasn’t the rabbit from the old stories. This rabbit was long and battery-operated and had the cutest little vibrating ears that hit her just in the right spot.

  She pulled the white rabbit from the drawer and climbed back in bed, right next to her sleeping husband. If Alice could get her juices flowing and some of the excitement back, then maybe she could inspire the both of them.

  It had worked before.

  She flipped the switch and the rabbit purred to life (this was the kind of rabbit that purred). Remembering all the maneuvers that had given her so much pleasure in the past, she started moving the rabbit over her breasts, circling one nipple then the other. A quiet whirr tickled the air. Delicious vibrations trembled over her skin. She pushed the sheet down with her free hand, baring her belly, then lower to expose her special place. Splaying her thighs wide, she let the cool air caress her, then skimmed the rabbit over her most sensitive spot.

  As her juices began to flow, her fantasies drifted to the Hellfire Club.

  The Hellfire Club was legendary. The most notorious location in Europe. A secret association dedicated to every imaginable form of sexual debauchery. A den of depraved carnality that supposedly catered to the most lascivious lusts of men and women.

  In other words, the perfect remedy for her awful sex life.

  Many claimed it existed, but only as hearsay. It always came down to someone who knew someone who heard of someone who’d been there. But Alice hadn’t settled for rumors. As part of her desperate attempt to fix the problems in her marriage, she had gone on a private quest to prove its existence, and location. After hours of research, having talked to dozens of people, she’d actually found one of the ruling members, a woman of enviable beauty named Madame Bovary. Madame Bovary also was trapped in a lackluster marriage, to a dullard named Charles, and she’d taken some drastic steps to rectify the situation. Meeting with other, likeminded public domain characters and historical figures, they created the Hellfire Club. A place where no fantasy went unfulfilled, no lust unsatisfied.

  They also served pretty good chicken wings.

  Madame Bovary had offered Alice a Hellfire Club contract; a contract guaranteed to spice up the dullest of marriages.

  Alice signed it immediately and had gotten Lewis to as well, though he’d been distracted and dismissive and barely looked the contract over when adding his name.

  That had been a week prior. Alice had turned the contract in, along with a substantial payment (money she’d been saving for their summer vacation), but nothing had come of it. Madame Bovary had been vague about when their sexual reawakening was supposed to begin, but Alice assumed it should have happened by now. She suspected Madame Bovary had conned her. Perhaps the Hellfire Club was indeed just a fantasy after all, and Alice had played the trusting rube and given away their vacation savings in a vain attempt to inject some excitement into their married life.

  But rath
er than dwell on what was probably an impetuous mistake, Alice switched the rabbit vibrator to a higher setting and fantasized about what an imaginary Hellfire Club might actually contain.

  Did it have orgies? Most certainly. Men and women, joyously, shamelessly copulating in public. Alice pictured a chain of entwined bodies, one connected to the next via mouth or genitals, thrusting and undulating while voyeuristic eyes drank in every naked, sweaty inch, and hungry ears savored the grunts and moans of a dozen or more.

  Gang bangs? Alice could imagine four decadent, ravenous rogues making love to her simultaneously. A mouth on each breast. A stiff cock in each hand. Men kissing her and sucking her and teasing her and filling her in every way possible.

  Bondage? Alice pictured herself restrained and helpless, as a cruel master forced her to come over and over until she practically went insane. Then, because she was such a bad girl, such an insatiable, naughty whore without any self-control, she would be punished. Perhaps spanked, maybe even with a paddle or riding crop, as unrelenting hands continued to coax orgasm after orgasm from her helpless body as it twitched with every slap and strike.

  Or perhaps Alice could be the one in charge, with a group of obedient slaves she could tease and torment. Men begging her for release as she tortured them with slow, soft blowjobs, butterfly kisses that engorged their members but offered no relief. Or maybe she would tease women, helpless and pleading to climax as she slid all manner of vibrating toys into their—

  The door burst inward, and Alice jack-knifed in bed, her mouth hanging open in surprise.

  “Well, what do we have here, matey?”

  The man speaking had an eye patch, and a full, gray beard. He wore a sea captain’s hat. His shirt was unbuttoned exposing a hairy chest and cinched only by the wide belt at his waist, a long scabbard hanging beneath. Next to him was a bald Caribbean man, a gold hoop in his ear. Below the waist, he was dressed in the same garb as his companion, but his naked and muscular torso was covered in obscene, sexual tattoos.

  Pirates! Her bedroom had been invaded by marauding pirates! What were the odds of that happening?

  “She seems to be a’pleasuring herself, Captain,” the bald one answered.

  “Aye. Look at those ripe breasts, those rosy nipples, and the treasure between ’er legs. Quite a spectacle, ain’t it, Queequeg?”

  Realizing she was indeed totally naked and splayed in front of two strange men—no, two strange pirates—Alice blossomed red with shame. She reached for the blankets to cover herself, but the tattooed pirate drew his sword and slashed the covers right out of her hand, making her gasp.

  “We like the look of you, poppet,” the captain said. His eyes traveled over every exposed inch of her skin before centering on her exposed special place. “We been at sea a long time.”

  The tattooed bloke said nothing, but he didn’t have to. The hunger in his eyes and the bulge in his pirate breeches said it all.

  To Alice’s horror, her nipples peaked and hardened, as if begging to be taken into these men’s mouths.

  “Pick up the rabbit,” the captain ordered.

  Alice couldn’t move; she was too focused on the embarrassing response of her body. Queequeg approached her snoring husband, and placed his cutlass against Lewis’s throat.

  “Pick up the rabbit and slide it into your cave of riches,” the captain said, “Put on a good show for us, my beauty. Lest you want to be a widow.”

  “Isn’t that a bit extreme for humorous erotica?”

  The captain waved her comment away. “Just go with it. There’s been too much exposition already, and readers want to get to the good stuff.”

  With a trembling hand, Alice picked up the rabbit vibrator.

  “Turn it up on high,” the captain said.

  She turned the rabbit up to its highest setting, the base rotating quickly and the ears buzzing loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

  “Now bury it inside your tight, slippery walls. But don’t you dare come without permission. If you do…” The pirate drew a line across his throat, indicating what would happen to Lewis if Alice didn’t obey.

  Biting her lower lip, Alice moved the vibrating length down her belly and between her thighs. Even though she wasn’t touching herself yet, she could feel the tantalizing buzz. Through the air. Through her fingers. Through the stares centered on her.

  “Deep inside ye, lass. All the way up against that swollen little nub of yours.”

  Alice slid the rabbit between her nether lips, then pushed it in inch by inch until the vibrating ears pressed hard against her clitoris. The sensation made her yelp, and she flinched and began to withdraw.

  “I said all the way in!” the captain boomed.

  “It’s too much, too soon,” Alice spilled out. “I need to start on a lower setting and work up to—”

  “NOW!”

  Clenching her teeth, Alice thrust the toy deep inside her, fighting not to withdraw from the incessant, throbbing vibrations, so intense they made her wince.

  “Spread those thighs wider, my beauty. And lift up that chin. I want to see your pretty face as you struggle not to come.”

  Alice did as she was told, and the pleasure between her legs intensified. The rabbit always made masturbation fast and easy, producing results within a few minutes. But in front of horny pirates, forced to put the settings on high, Alice couldn’t stop the arousal from overtaking her immediately. Even her nipples betrayed her, sticking straight out, throbbing with want.

  “Methinks the girl wants you to tug on her buds.”

  Queequeg grunted and walked around to her side of the bed, staring at her bare breasts like a starving man might stare at a feast. He reached down for her, and with rough, calloused hands began to roll and pinch her erect nipples.

  Alice moaned. The pirate’s hands on her, twisting and tweaking, made the vibrations even more intense. Each time he pulled, it was like a shock that went straight to her womb.

  “No coming until I say so, lassie. We’re not at the Hellfire Club yet.”

  The Hellfire Club! Of course! This wasn’t just a random pirate home invasion, like you read about in the newspapers. These pirates were here to take her and Lewis to the club. Still, this wasn’t what Alice had been expecting.

  “But the contract says…”

  “I know what the contract says, dear Alice.” The captain grinned wickedly. “But I mean to have some fun first. Like I said, long time at sea makes a man long for certain pleasures. And there ‘tis nothing more pleasurable than a beautiful, naked woman begging for release. Just look at your face now. All tensed up. Jaw clenched. Lips pressed together. The very picture of ecstasy. You’re close, aren’t you?”

  Alice’s face burned red. She nodded shamefully and panted, “Yes.”

  “You want to come?”

  “Yes. Oh yes, please.”

  The captain rubbed his beard, seeming to consider it.

  The vibrator continued to ravage her.

  The pirate plucked and squeezed.

  Alice’s hips rose and fell, pressing against the rabbit. Her tender clit was wet and swollen, and her insides churned with pleasure like a dam about to burst.

  “No,” the captain said.

  “But how am I to stop myself?” she cried out in frustration. “I… I can’t… I…”

  “Distract yourself with other thoughts.”

  Alice had to squeeze her eyes closed and try to think about something other than the delicious sensations she was feeling. She thought about paying taxes. Doing laundry. Washing the dishes. Being stuck in a business meeting past lunchtime while enduring an endless PowerPoint presentation containing a lot of bar graphs and pie charts. Watching The View. But even with her head filled with unsexy thoughts, her body still undulated with the vibrations she was being forced to endure.

  Alice thrashed her head back and forth, willing herself not to give in to the pleasure, fighting her body’s natural response.

  “Queequeg, why don’t you help t
he young lady with her rabbit? Perhaps a bit more vigorous with the motions?”

  The pirate took hold of the rabbit’s base and began to twist and thrust it, working it in and out of Alice, until all she could do was clench the mattress and bite the side of the pillow to avoid screaming. Queequeg knew what he was doing. He was both gentle and firm, alternately teasing Alice with its length by using slow, shallow strokes, and then entering her hard and pressing it firmly against her G-spot, his thumb on the vibrating ears so the intensity became unbearable.

  “I… I need to come!”

  “No.”

  Alice felt the warmth building in her, layer upon layer of pleasure that was quickly starting to peak.

  “Please!”

  “No.”

  She tried to retreat from the pirate, to get away from the unrelenting sensations, but he cupped her bottom and held her pinned on the sex toy, lifting her as he plunged it in. Alice began to cry out, somewhere between pleading and sobbing. She just couldn’t take anymore.

  “Do you want to come now?” the captain asked.

  “Yes!”

  “Are you certain, love?”

  “YES!”

  “Good. Now pull it out and set it aside.”

  Alice felt like wailing as Queequeg withdrew the rabbit, leaving her a quivering jumble of sexual frustration.

  “You’re… you’re so cruel,” Alice said.

  “We’re pirates. We aren’t known for our social graces.” The captain winked. “But don’t you worry. You’ll have more than your share at the club. I just wanted you to have a taste of what you signed your poor husband up for. Now let’s get moving. Climb into one of these burlap sacks.”

  Queequeg held one of the items up, ready to pull it down over her head. “See how the sacks are decorated with fine graphics?”

  The graphics were indeed fine, especially for being printed on burlap, but Alice made a face. “Is this necessary?”

  “I’m afraid it is.”

  “Can’t we just come along with you? Why do we have to get into sacks?”